Does this sound okay?

I don't know where the story is going but it is obviously a fantasy story of some kind. You have a lot of description in a lot of sentences which does tend to make it boring in places which is a shame because the descriptions you give are interesting. As an example of what I mean take the first four sentences of the story. They could be linked into one sentence making it more readable although having said that you wrote; "It was cold so I did my jacket up." That short sentence is rather dry and there are many ways to make that more interesting. Doing up the jacket is part of the story and just because it is an everyday thing to do should not make it less interesting to read. Print it off and read it aloud and make sure you read what you have written and not what you think you have written. Keep writing and good luck.